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14 September 2011

The too-short life of August the doll

Yesterday tragedy befell our home. Before I reveal all the horrific details of the demise of August the doll, let's take a little stroll down memory lane.

We welcomed August into our family on Maren's second birthday. Maren affectionately bestowed her new baby with the name 'August', surely as an homage to her birthday month.

August spent her early days taking long walks with her caring mother.

She even managed to sneak into the official Christmas cousins picture of 2010.

Maren and August asked Santa for a pony. They were able to comfort each other when they awoke to discover this forgotten request on Christmas morning.

August enjoyed her Sunday afternoon naps with the rest of the family, although her choice of sleeping positions was typically bewildering.

Maren was happy to allow her great grandpa to spend a moment with August on Mother's Day. We enjoyed a lovely brunch in celebration.

August loved to pose for pictures, particularly when sharing the spotlight with such a fashion-forward lady as Maren.

Just another afternoon around here...

August could frequently be found motoring about in Maren's rumble seat. On this particular day they were inspecting Brett's work on the removal of our disgusting carpet.

Here ends the rainbows and unicorns portion of August's life. It was a good life. She made many fond memories with her doting caretaker, Maren. Then one fateful evening she took an after-dinner walk to the neighborhood park. It's possible she enjoyed a bicycle ride as well, but we can't be sure. Maren was so overtaken by the joy of playing with her friends at the park, that somehow August was left behind.

The next day, Maren discovered August was missing. Phone calls were made, steps were retraced, and August was nowhere to be found. In effort to be the knight in shining armor of this tale, Maren's dad took a late night walk to the park with flashlight in hand. He searched high and low, only to discover August in the most unlikely of places. A dark and horrible place. A place where no human should ever venture. Likely at the hand of some neighborhood hooligans, August had found her way into the porta-potty. My dear sister-in-law suggested that we place August in the freezer to kill the germs. I had to clarify to her that August was not merely within the walls of the portable bathroom, but had actually been placed down into the depths of the toilet itself. A brief stay in the freezer was not going to take care of her problems.

Being the loving dad that he is, Brett did manage to fish August out of the blue water. She does, after-all, float. Gross. Anyhow, she received a heavy hosing-off in the backyard, followed by a steaming hot, bleachy spin in the washing machine. Nope. There's just no way August will be welcomed back into our family. The damage was done. August had to go. Thankfully, Maren awoke to good news the following morning. It turns out August has a twin sister, also named August, who happens to be in need of a loving family. She is scheduled to arrive at our home in 7 to 10 business days. Maren will take a few classes on being a responsible parent, and we'll hope to never have a repeat of this devastating experience.

The end.


  1. Still laughing about this one:) I so feel the pain, trust me....but seriously, this is one for the books!!!

  2. Poor Baby August! I still can't believe that Brett fished her out of the blue pit. What a great dad.

  3. Great post! Major "dad" points to Brett. Thank goodness for being able to find a new August!

  4. I have personally met August, and I am so happy to know that she has a twin who I will also have the pleasure to meet, I'm sure.

    You're a wonderful writer! I loved reading this story.


  5. You are a talented writer. Thanks for sharing the life and times of August, the First. I'm also laughing out loud and reading portions aloud to my husband. You and Brett are good parents. :)

  6. This made me laugh out loud! How in the world did Brett think to look down inside a port-a-potty? And... dare I ask... How in the world did he get her out? Someone should nominate him for Dad of the year for that one! So glad to hear that August has a twin sister :)

  7. Might I suggest that Brett, trying to think like a 10 year old boy (not that he ever did this or would do this) thought to himself,"Now, where would I put this doll if I found her in the park laying on the sidewalk all alone in the dark with no one around to see me?" The light bulb came on and he thought to himself, I must check the port-a-potty!
    I will truly miss August and as her Gigi I can truthfully say that she was the best granddoll I could ever have and of course my favorite!!. I cannot wait to meet her twin!!

  8. ah, poor doll! she was obviously well loved.

    i must say that you little gal is adorable! such a sweet smile!

  9. You neglected to mention when the Memorial service will be held...surely as the grandmother, I would be asked to sing...I was thinking of the great hymn classic...He Lifted Me?


  10. Oh no poor August. I cannot believe that she was fished out of the potalot (that's what my son used to call them). So glad her twin is on her way. My granddaughter has a doll similar and it is her favorite. Is it a caroelle, not sure that is spelled right.

  11. Oh my! I kept thinking about this great story and poor August yesterday...all of sudden I would break out in a big smile and the kids would be like "what are you smiling about mommy?" Reminds of when Jack lost Oatsie in Macy's for a week until someone found him under a rack of jeans...potentially tragic but not comparably as gross! Love you! Are you enjoying the van?

  12. It is Petie at our house, and Petie has stayed with my two boys (yes boys! aged 5 and 8) and will never be thrown away. Petie doesn't venture out of the house (husband wouldn't hear of it) so I can be safe to assume the worst of his fate will only be in the depths of our own toilet, but I hope my boys are old enough now...