a model child

Depending on how long you've know me, or how long you've read my blog, you may or may not be aware of how Truett's life started out. Most days I completely forget about those early weeks...facing the news of his heart problem, the days in the hospital with my sweet 6-week-old baby, weeks following the surgery filled with prayer and hope that he would be 'okay'. 

Well, let me tell you, Truett's heart is working just fine these days. My sweet, fragile, helpless boy is fragile and helpless no more. {He is still occasionally sweet, thank goodness!} Parenting him is a mystery. Prior to having a second baby, I was aware that children have unique personalities with different needs. But now I know the magnitude of this truth. Oh boy...literally...oh boy!

To be honest, prior to having Truett, I thought I had the mom thing pretty well figured out...even that I was exceptional at it. Maren responded well to discipline, she was smart, funny, mostly-agreeable, a good eater, good sleeper...and then came Truett. Ha!

I love him fiercely...he has taught me so many lessons in his short {okay, sometimes it feels long!} two years. He is affectionate and snuggly, he loves to read books, he is an introvert {like his mama...really, most of the time when we have lots of friends over, I'll find him looking at books in another room, or playing quietly in his bed!}, he has a great sense of humor, and brings much joy to our family. I honestly love him so much.

But, he also makes me crazy! He's so hard for me to parent. We are learning and growing together, but there are days that end in tears...for both of us. He is stubborn. He throws fits. He is messy {I know, he's a boy!}, he's aggressive, and often I just don't know what to do with all these different things. 

God is so gracious...and reminds me often of my own sin as I'm working at training and disciplining Truett in love. This business of being refined through my kids is hard, though! I'm thankful for the glimpses of God's great love for us...no matter how massive our mistakes and wanderings, he loves us enough to patiently guide us back. Admittedly, I'm not always as patient as I wish...and way too often I focus on my immediate desire for behavior modification rather than the lasting implications of heart-change for my kids. I mess up...I yell sometimes, I get lazy sometimes, I try too hard to do things on my own, without the help of the Lord. But He faithfully reminds me that he has not left me to my own devices in this calling to be a mother! He's given me a wise, loving husband...He's given His relevant, encouraging, challenging truth in the Word...He's given me gifts of prayer and rest. Thank goodness...because really, I'm not sure I'd make it any other way.

So, here's a story...last week, our family was all under the weather. Truett had a cough that was lasting a long time, and he has a history of ear infections, which had me concerned that his ears were bothering him. We were having a really rough morning at home...he'd been particularly whiny. I decided to go ahead and take him to the doctor just to be sure he didn't have something more serious than a bad cold...but also sort of dreading a trip to the doctor's office with my feisty little guy. 

Truett remained disagreeable right up until the doctor walked in, and then something unbelievable happened. The doctor asked him to sit on the table, and his reply? "Sure." She asked him to take some big breaths for the stethoscope..."okay." Can you open your mouth really wide? "Okay." He proceeded to let the doctor poke and prod, check his eyes, nose, mouth, ears...he coughed, breathed, and moved on command. I sat there in awe, and considered asking the doctor to come home with me. She turned to me, and I kid you not, the lady said,

"He is a model child. I wish every 2-year-old was as cooperative as he is! He would be a perfect child for a student to observe because he is so compliant. Most parents would pay to have their 2 year old behave this well!" {Yeah, sign me up to pay for my kid to behave this well!!!}

I wanted to laugh hysterically and bawl all at the same time. Also, I wished I had a tape recorder (ummm...that dates me just a little bit, right?) so I could remember those words. I have a feeling there will be times in my future when I'll want to replay them over and over to myself, to teachers, church nursery workers, grandparents...a model child. It still makes me snicker to type that out. And I'm realizing now that even if I DID have a tape recorder, no one would ever be able to hear those words again, because nobody owns cassette players anymore! 

So, these are the lessons I'm learning, and the little gifts the Lord is giving me to help make it through. Do you like that picture above? Truett loves Maren's purse and pink Bible. He opens it up and recites {several times a day} "Then Jesus went to work. The end."

I can't help but think, Yup. Jesus certainly does go to work...every single day. He works on my heart, and Truett's...and I'm so very glad He does.

Things worth mentioning

The thing about having a blog is that the writer gets to pick exactly what gets published...as the writer of this blog, I choose my favorite pictures, I tell stories that {usually} make me happy, and I write when I choose. Recently, it came to my attention that you, as the reader, probably don't get a great representation of what our life is really all about. I love my family...we try to make lots of great memories together, and that's about what you hear. Truly, I want that to change. Mostly, I am very grateful for the life the Lord has given me...I have an incredible husband, 2 clever kids, and some pretty special friends and family members. But we have some bad days, too. I get mad and impatient, Truett hits Maren with his helicopters, Maren's room is usually a wreck (I like to think it's because she's so creative???), and Brett forgets things. A lot. We're all learning and growing...just like you, I'm sure! 

So, until I get a chance to take a picture of Truett having a meltdown, here are some carefully selected photos of Maren's first day of school, which was really the second day since she was throwing up the night before the first.

It is next to impossible to get a good picture of these two together...both looking at the camera and smiling. But, I sort of like this one...it's real life. They're good buddies most of the time. With Maren gone at school now, Truett gets some peace and quiet (which he relishes) and I am able to be quite productive. (miracle!)

If I ever get around to it, I have some fun things to share with you. I'm making some changes to my Etsy shop, I've got some good posts written in my mind, and a few more honest, hard ones, too.

Happy October!

Mother's Day

Just stopping in to say hello! I do remember when I used to post several times a week...those were the days. But, THESE are the good days...days too full with other things for me to spend time on the blog. It's not a priority for me recently, which is fine. I've been spending more of my free time on things I'm liking more lately...reading, thinking, talking with friends, sewing, writing real-life letters, naps. Naps! In my opinion, naps are an introverts best friend. I am a different person if I can rest for as little as 15 minutes in the afternoon. So, I've been doing that instead of writing here.

I took these pictures of Truett the other day and just had to post.

He is going to be 2 soon...in less than a month. How did that happen?! We went recently for his annual cardiology appointment, and everything checked out great, praise Jesus. Oh my goodness, this boy has stolen my heart. He is the best snuggler...also he talks now! So much...he's learning more and more new words. My favorite is when he asks about his sister...almost always first thing in the morning he asks for a waffle and May-wen. I am so thankful that my kids love each other, and like each other quite a lot. 

Mother's Day was Sunday...as you know. This day is always a little bittersweet for me...it makes me reflective and emotional. I remember so well those feelings of sorrow each year it came around during our infertility struggles. I have the best relationship with my own mom, so I joyfully celebrated her. But it is so hard to celebrate a day in honor of something you long for and don't have. I hurt for those women longing to be moms. One of my best friends lost her mom way too young to a heart attack, and I think of her on that day. Another dear friend honored the memory of her daughter's second birth and death day on Mother's Day this year. They have 4 precious living children, but still mourn the daughter they never knew. I'm thankful for the sensitivity the Lord has given me in this area...and truthfully, I wouldn't trade those years of struggle and hurt while we longed for a family for anything. They have made me a better mother, and hopefully a better friend, too. 

So...this is the only picture I got with both kids on Mother's Day. Ha! Truett decided he was not interested in having his picture taken. And, apparently, Brett momentarily forgot how to take a picture with heads in the frame. After I had surrendered my desire for a cute picture with both kids smiling, I actually decided this was a perfect picture. Motherhood is messy, rough, challenging, and stretching. Also, it's so, so good. These two small people have provided me with the best job I could have imagined. They sharpen me and make me softer at the same time. They keep me humble. They love me unconditionally. They make me want to be better. I love them so very much. Which is lucky for them, because around 10 pm on Mother's Day night I found myself washing sheets and cleaning up vomit. After a lovely day filled with things like breakfast in bed, flowers, grilled steak, a nap, frozen yogurt...both kids got sick. And I quickly returned to the reality of being a mom after a nice 'day off'. 

Maren agreed to take another picture with me before we left for frozen yogurt. She made me the sweetest card, and insisted on eating her breakfast with me in my bed. She's great company these days...I love having a child I can talk with about real things. She is thoughtful, creative, and so smart. All year we've been praying together in the car on the way to preschool. Recently, she's been asking to pray after I do and she has the sweetest prayers. They often make me tear up, and I can imagine the delight she brings to the Lord. The prayers of children are so simple, and somehow also incredibly astute. 

Well, there you have it! A little update from me. I wish I had more time to share about what I'm learning and reading. I'm being challenged quite a bit right now, and I am loving it. God is gracious to continue his work in my life. It has not been easy lately, but the stretching and growing is worth the pain of refinement. So worth it. Maybe soon I'll share more about that. Happy Tuesday to you!

On loss, grace, and being a mom

Last week was an emotional week for me. If you know me in real life, you might be surprised to hear it. I guess I am able to hide emotions when I feel like it. Also, as an introvert, sometimes I find it best just to mourn quietly. It was what I needed to do last week.

I had tea with a dear lady from my church on Monday, and I cried through a good portion of our time together. My intent was to talk with her about potentially leading a Bible Study for some women in our church. We ended up sharing about loss...which brought on the waterworks. She listened and hugged me and made me feel safe and loved. Turns out God new exactly what I needed in the moment.

Last week was the week that our third baby would have been due. I was just nine weeks pregnant when we found out that our baby no longer had a heartbeat, but of my 3 miscarriages, this was the hardest. We had seen our baby through an early ultrasound, and had even seen the heartbeat just a few days prior. I'm amazed at how much bonding can happen in just a few short weeks. We went from being shocked and surprised to planning what our life would be like with a third child. For five weeks I threw up every day, dreamed about having a fuller, nosier home, prayed for strength to somehow know how to parent 3 children with 2 being just 19 months apart in age. I made the difficult decision to stop nursing Truett because of some medication I was on to help with the health of the pregnancy. So, losing a baby at 9 weeks left me deeply hurting for all that might have been.

Thankfully, my God is one who restores. As Brett and I have learned countless times before, God's grace is sufficient to carry us through the most difficult of seasons. A long-time favorite verse of mine is:

2 Corinthians 9:8

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.

Last week we experienced record highs here in Colorado. The kids and I spent lots of time outdoors, and it was refreshing for all of us. I like to think that it was a little gift from the Lord during a week when He knew I would be hurting.

I was also reminded this week of the miraculous gift that both of my children are to our family. The Lord alone is the author of life...and it is a privilege to have been called to serve as their mom. 

Truthfully, it seems like many days right now tend towards the longer, harder end of the spectrum. I'm learning to parent and discipline Truett. At 19 months, he's full of energy and brings plenty of challenging and puzzling parenting moments into my day. Don't get me wrong, he is an absolute delight. But, if you've been around a 19-month-old boy for any length of time, it's likely you can relate to the bursting-at-the-seems-energy-and-curiosity-and-general-craziness that fills my days. At the same time, Maren is starting to care more about her stuff and her space, which proves to be a difficult combination along with a curious and exploratory little boy. We're learning and growing together. And God is so gracious to grant me the patience and wisdom to face each new day. But, wow, do I ever need His guidance right now!

Happy Monday, friends. Thank you for sharing in this journey with me!

Oh, and Brittany...you won the giveaway! I'll be in touch shortly with the details!

Lately...

I don't know why it's been so difficult for me to get into the habit of writing in this new year. I suppose life has just been a flurry of activity...and I have so many things rattling around in my head these days. It's hard to know where to begin.

I've been reading this book:

I don't recommend picking it up unless you are prepared to be profoundly challenged...and changed. Honestly, I can't say much about it quite yet. But it is pushing me towards growth in a magnificent way. Also, it's taking me a long time to read. I am typically able to make it through just a few pages before I need to set the book down in order to engage in some serious thinking and praying. But it's good...so very good.

Brett and I also embarked on a reading-the-Bible-in-a-year plan. I've never done this before. Should I be embarrassed to say that as a 32-year-old? Truthfully, I'm still not entirely sure how I feel about the whole practice. To me, it seems to take a fair amount of time, without allowing for much in-depth study or contemplation. (At least during this season of life...as a mom of 2 small children, I just don't have hours on end to spend daily in the Word.) The time I do spend with the Lord is so precious...but often brief and/or interrupted. I welcome the interruptions, as I know this is the season of life which God has called me to at this time.  So, all things considered, I'm reading the Bible through in it's entirety this year. The discipline has been good for me, and I am learning and growing. I'm especially looking forward to when the time comes to read through books I'm less likely to visit on a regular basis. Have you done this before?

I've spent a significant amount of time thinking about my Etsy shop. I'm hoping to make some changes in the coming month or so. I have some new products to list...and I'm researching some ways to get more traffic. The changes aren't really for me, though. I've been feeling a tug to give more away...we've been blessed so incredibly. The Lord has given me a passion for creativity...and time at home with my children. I'm praying about ways I can better use the resources He's given me to honor Him. I'll share more about this as it unfolds.

Well...if you're still reading, thank you!

How about a little giveaway? I've been doing more letter-writing this year, and I'd love to send one of you a fun little package. So, leave me a comment about something you're reading or learning about right now, and you just might get some fun mail from me next week. I'll announce a winner on Sunday!

The long-awaited Preschool Christmas Program

Maren has been preparing for her preschool Christmas program for quite some time. She has secretly practiced the songs in the safety of her own room. She worked hard and almost kept the handmade ornament she would be presenting to us a secret. She has been planning her outfit and telling us to remember 'program Thursday'.

Well, program Thursday did not disappoint. Maren looked sweet in her new Christmas dress.

She could hardly contain her excitement. And, I couldn't either, if I'm being honest. This was one of those things I used to dream about when we were struggling with infertility. I love Christmas. I love Christmas music. I tear up every time I hear a children's choir sing. I longed to have my own child up there on the stage. And this year I finally got to experience that joy. Friends, it was a special morning.

Hi Maren!

Maren glowed throughout the entire program...it did a momma's heart good. I've mentioned before that her name (Maren Eleanor) means 'longed for light'. She certainly lived up to that today.

Here she was walking out. Thank goodness for those layers of fluff.

The not-so-secret ornament was darling. It's her handprint and the fingers are painted like little snowmen. Obviously, Maren didn't paint the snowmen. Still, it's sweet to have a momento of her tiny handprint from this season.

Maren and her good buddy, Morgan. Can you believe how cute those purple glasses are?

Maren loves her teacher, Mrs. C.

...and Mrs. B.

We missed Papa, but were so glad that Gigi was able to come to the show.

We don't have pictures of Truett because he was a little under the weather. (A lot under the weather...I've got the laundry to prove it!) 

I'm so thankful God chose me to be Maren's mom. I love her so very much. Today was indeed a gift.

And guess what?! I won a giveaway over at Hannah's blog today. Icing on the cake.

Not the enemy

At some point during my engagement to Brett, someone gave me a valuable piece of advice. I wish I could remember who shared this with me...because it warrants a handwritten thank you note.

Your husband is not your enemy. He is on your team.

As a soon-to-be-brand-new-wife, I didn't realize the significance of this advice until a little later. I knew marriage would be a lot of work, but I didn't realize how easily Brett would become a target...a target to take my frustrations out on, whether merited by him or not. We fought our way through the occasional misunderstanding or personality conflict. But wasn't I surprised to learn how swiftly I began to make Brett pay for other frustrations...annoyance with a coworker? Lash out at Brett later that night. Disappointment with a friend? Brett gets to deal with sulky Kate. My failure at anything? Brett can atone. See where I'm going? Brett was 'safe' to me. I knew he would never go anywhere...and so it became easy to dole out my emotional frustrations on my husband. 

Enter best advice I got while engaged...Brett is not the enemy! He is on my team. It took me a while, but when I finally learned to allow Brett to help me through some of those frustrations, I was amazed by the outpouring of love and support he was able to offer. Ten years later? We still fight. Thankfully, not very often at all. But I do slip up and occasionally lash out at him...sometimes for something completely out of his control. Most of the time, though, I've learned to allow Brett to walk though things with me. And, as it turns out, God did an excellent job of blessing me with a man who would be my perfect teammate.

Life lately

Good morning! We've got cinnamon rolls in the oven and chili in the crockpot this morning. Does anyone else enjoy that combination? A friend told me about it a while ago, and we've been hooked ever since. I'm perfecting my cinnamon roll recipe and hopefully I'll share it this winter sometime.

This post was so wonderful...and it's caused me to think about margin in my own life. As much as I dislike busy-ness, it manages to creep into my life in the most well-intending of ways. As the holidays swiftly approach, I am prayerfully considering ways to quiet things down a bit. Maybe I'll share more as time allows. Or maybe I won't. You know, in the interest of fending off busy-ness.

Maren took her pumpkin to preschool last night to carve with Brett. We were charged with the task of 'getting the goop out' first. I am loving that Truett is becoming more and more engaged in our family times. He has turned into quite the proficient climber, to his delight and my distress.  I anticipate a trip to the ER in the coming months...hoping against it, but feeling like it's inevitable!

Anticipation...

I love them...and I love that they love each other.

Truett was so happy until he reached his hand into the slimy pumpkin...after which he FREAKED OUT. He did not like the feel of the pumpkin guts at all. Poor kid. Maren and Brett made a cat-faced-pumpkin. I do not like cats, but Maren does. She has a fake cat that purrs and a pumpkin cat now. That's as close as we'll get to welcoming the sneaky species into our home.

This morning Maren approached me with a ball of yarn and this hippo strapped to a backpack. She insisted that I tie the backpack hippo onto her waist because carrying it around was making her hands sweaty. I do not know where she comes up with this stuff, but I'm glad she does. Her quirky ways make me smile.

Tomorrow I'll share about our Halloween escapades. We've got a golfer and a doctor in the house. And cinnamon rolls and chili. And non-sweaty hands. It's turning out to be a wonderful day.

10 Years Ago

We rolled into town yesterday afternoon after spending some time in Michigan and Illinois. It's always good to be home...but my house is a mess! I'm taking a little break from cleaning and laundry to share about the first part of my trip. We spent a weekend in the Chicago area for my 10 year college reunion and to visit my brother, Zach. It was so good to be back in the place where Brett and I started our lives together. We stayed with one of Brett's best friends from college and his family. Maren loved meeting some new friends, and learning how to play 'boy' things. On Saturday morning we arrived on campus and visited the football stadium. Football was a significant part of Brett's college experience, and it was fun to be back on the field where he played so many games...and to have our 2 kids in tow. A lot has changed in 10 years!

Funny that Truett was carrying around a soccer ball...I love dreaming about what our kids will be like as they grow. Will they like sports? music? art? cooking? literature? Maybe a combination like their parents. :)

I really don't want our kids to ever feel pressured into attending a certain college, but it was fun to think of what it might be like for them to be Wheaton students some day...you never know!

We enjoyed watching the football game with family and friends. My niece, Paige, is so sweet. Maren would not cooperate for a picture. Little stinker.

Truett and his green blanket...this blanket is worth gold in our family. And we're in serious trouble if that tag ever falls off!

On Sunday morning we drove into Chicago to visit my brother. He lives in a very cool apartment downtown. He doesn't own a car...just takes the train wherever he needs to go. It was fun to have an experienced city-dweller with us for the day. Truett loved playing in the window at Zach's apartment.

Brett and I shared some early dates downtown Chicago. Lots of fun memories...so fun to show our kids the big city!

We ate lunch at Gino's East...I love Chicago pizza. Maren, of course, loved writing on the walls.

I had a great time with 2 of my good college friends, Katie and Hannah. We laughed, told stories, reminisced about days gone by. We spent the afternoon and evening together on Saturday, and I randomly ran into them on Michigan Avenue in Chicago the next day. Good thing, because we neglected to take a picture on Saturday.

Maren found a balloon artist on the street and was thrilled to have him make her a little ladybug balloon bracelet. It was cute...sorry I didn't get a picture!

Me and Zach...my not-so-little brother. He's 8 years younger than me and about a foot taller...love you, Z!

This kid loved seeing the sites and was happy as long as we didn't stop anywhere for too long. He's such a good little stroller-rider.

We spent the rest of our time in Michigan, and I have plenty of great pictures to share. I've also been working on some fun new things for my Etsy shop and I've got plans for some holiday posts, too. I hope you're enjoying your fall so far!

Learning time

Early autumn...a good time for learning. 

Truett's known some of these tricks for a while, but I finally caught them on camera. You'll have to look past the crumbs left over from dinner and focus on his stunning dexterity.

Where's your nose?

Ears?

And the latest...belly button!

This boy...he might be the end of me. I cannot get over his flippy, crazy hair or his mile-long lashes. He also happens to have the quirkiest most adorable little personality starting to bubble out of him. And now he knows where his belly button is...what's a mom to do?

And this girl...she started preschool today! {Actually last week, by the time I actually publish this post!} What?! How did this happen...I am in my 30's with a child going to school! Time needs to do some major slowing down. Today was perfect, though, apart from my tiny emotional outpouring on the way home from preschool {with only 1 kid in the backseat}. Thankfully, Brett was driving so I was able to focus on getting myself under control. I didn't think I'd cry, but I did. I am a little sad about her being gone 2 mornings a week, but mostly this morning just made me realize what season of life we're heading into...namely the 'growing-up' season. Maren is starting to become more independent. This year it's just two mornings a week, but next it will be more. She's quickly shedding the slightest little bit of 'baby' she might have hanging on, and she's moving towards being a 'kid'. She's got her own set of ideas, feelings, thoughts, opinions...most of which are so endearing. I'm really excited to see where this year leads...I know she's already thrilled about the new friendships and experiences preschool is bringing her way. And ready or not, it's here!

Maren was very opinionated about what she wore to her first day of school...thankfully it matched!

Hoping to make this little chalkboard an annual tradition...with Maren writing her own name.

She was so excited, and a little bit nervous. Maren asked for a picture with Brett and Truett...I love how much she enjoys her family!

The girls...

When I dropped her off, she walked right into the class, gave her teachers a big hug and never looked back! When I picked her up, I was greeted by a cheerful, still-excited Maren with a basketful of papers and projects to show me, and the SHOW AND TELL BAG! Can you think of anything more exciting than being the first preschooler in your class to bring in show-and-tell?! It's been quite the topic of conversation around here. We'll see what she decides. I'm thankful for her sweet teachers and the 2 little friends she's already talking about constantly. I'm sure the year will be a good one, growing-up and all!