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29 November 2012

Not the enemy

At some point during my engagement to Brett, someone gave me a valuable piece of advice. I wish I could remember who shared this with me...because it warrants a handwritten thank you note.

Your husband is not your enemy. He is on your team.

As a soon-to-be-brand-new-wife, I didn't realize the significance of this advice until a little later. I knew marriage would be a lot of work, but I didn't realize how easily Brett would become a target...a target to take my frustrations out on, whether merited by him or not. We fought our way through the occasional misunderstanding or personality conflict. But wasn't I surprised to learn how swiftly I began to make Brett pay for other frustrations...annoyance with a coworker? Lash out at Brett later that night. Disappointment with a friend? Brett gets to deal with sulky Kate. My failure at anything? Brett can atone. See where I'm going? Brett was 'safe' to me. I knew he would never go anywhere...and so it became easy to dole out my emotional frustrations on my husband. 
Enter best advice I got while engaged...Brett is not the enemy! He is on my team. It took me a while, but when I finally learned to allow Brett to help me through some of those frustrations, I was amazed by the outpouring of love and support he was able to offer. Ten years later? We still fight. Thankfully, not very often at all. But I do slip up and occasionally lash out at him...sometimes for something completely out of his control. Most of the time, though, I've learned to allow Brett to walk though things with me. And, as it turns out, God did an excellent job of blessing me with a man who would be my perfect teammate.

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